September 2010
We moved in the house on September 17th, a Friday, which was a week after we signed the lease. When I picked up the keys from her that morning she said, “We’ve bug bombed five times, but we can’t seem to get them all. We called an exterminator to come in on Tuesday, but in the mean time, if you see one just spray it.” And handed me some Raid.
Um, pardon me?
The house was crawling with bugs. The five oldest kids and I came prepared to clean after we picked up the keys. But, mostly I just stood and looked around with despair. If I see ‘a’ bug? How about hundreds. David was working the two jobs by this point, 7-4 at the full time job and 8-midnight at the second, with ten hours on Saturdays as well. I was sitting in the living room alone at midnight in the only chair we had brought and I was having a major emotional breakdown. I was waiting to call David, because I knew his shift was about to end. I told him I thought I had made a terrible decision about this house. Did he know all the bugs that were here? What were we going to do? I can’t even begin to describe how upset I was. But, David always knows what to say. He told me that everything would be okay, and that I did a great job finding us a house. We would just take it one step at a time. I don’t know what I would do without him.
We made it through that weekend, and on Monday they had the new furnace installed. It was still about 95 degrees out and we had the air conditioner off all day, so they could install it. That afternoon around five, they let us know that they couldn’t seem to get the air conditioner back on, and they would have to come back tomorrow.
Um, pardon me? Again.
We now had no air conditioning in 95 degree weather in a house crawling with bugs. Lord, would this ever end?
But, wait. Oh, yes. There’s more.
They couldn’t get the air fixed on Tuesday either. They didn’t get the air on until Friday- a week in 95 degree heat. And bugs.
But wait. Oh, yes. There’s still more.
Tuesday night, the toilets started backing up into the bathtubs. The lovely folks who rented the place before us were obviously wonderful tenants. Not only did they leave us all their bugs, but they left roots in the sewer pipes as well. Apparently you’re supposed to flush rock salt down toilets for two weeks in October to keep roots from growing into the sewer line, and they did not. I have never heard of such a thing in my life, but you better believe from now on, I will be a salt flushing fool.
And then there were the mice. That’s all I’m going to say about that.
Now it is four months later, January 2011. With a fresh coat of paint, and the bugs dwindled waaaay down, and the mice gone we are definitely making the house work. We even have a school room-very exciting. I’m no longer on the verge of an emotional breakdown every minute. My default is set to happy.
I share all of this because I went down a long, hard road and made it to the light at the end. I know there are many who are in circumstances far, far more difficult than I can imagine. There were so many times that I knew all the answers, everything that Christians say in tough times. “God is good.” “God still loves you.” “God is still there and he cares.” But, honestly, I didn’t want to hear any of it. I couldn’t understand why God would bless us with so many children, yet not gives us the means to take care of them. I felt like God let me down. And I couldn’t seem to get over that.
I’m being honest here.
God spoke to me recently and said, “Courtney, I am good, I do still love you, I am still there and I do care. That’s why I gave you all these children. I promised you I would when you trusted me. But, because of this fallen, sinful world I can’t promise you it will always be comfortable.”
I still don’t know why we needed to go through all we did. I may never know until I can ask Him in person. I do know that He has blessed us. He was blessing us all the time with gifts and encouragement from friends and sometimes even total strangers. Even though conditions weren’t my idea of perfect, He did provide us with all that we needed. I also know that even as much as I love my children and want to provide for them, He loves them more. And, most importantly, he has promised us eternal life if we trust him. He always keeps his promises.
Life for us still isn’t perfect, but in this world, it will never be. David is still working a lot of hours for a little money. We don’t have the means to purchase a house and land like we wanted. And sometimes, it seems like it’s one little thing after another. But, we are happy. We are enjoying our children, enjoying each other and starting over.
Showing posts with label A New Start. Show all posts
Showing posts with label A New Start. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
A New Start Part 3
August 2010
Right before Travis was born on August 5th, things sort of fell apart and we wouldn’t be able to stay in the apartment as long as we had thought. We would actually need to be out by the August 20th-about two weeks later. We had no idea what we were going to do. David had just gotten an interview set up for the next week for a full time job, but still at that point, was no guarantee of a job. David’s part time job still wasn’t enough for us to come up with a deposit and rent for a house, not to mention we still couldn’t find anywhere to rent, yet. We drove ALL over Tulsa and the surrounding areas and couldn’t find anything that was big enough, in our price range, and okay for 11 people to live there.
So, I came home from giving birth, kept Travis on bili lights for the next two days, then took the next week and a half to pack up our temporary belongings to move them to a second storage unit, since most of our other things were still in a storage unit in the town that we were originally going to live in 45 minutes away.
I promise this really is the uncomplicated version.
At church the Wednesday evening before the Friday that we had to be out of the apartment, a friend asked me how we were. I told her I was feeling a little overwhelmed. We needed to be out of the apartment in a day and a half and we still didn’t know what we were going to do. She looked at her husband, then looked at me. Then, looked at her husband, then looked at me. “You are going to come stay with us while you figure out what to do.”
This was an older couple with grown kids and grandchildren. I’m not so sure she really knew what she was asking. LOL But, they had a travel trailer and an extra bedroom they were willing to share with us. The following week David was offered the full time position he interviewed for, but we still had to wait to save up the money for rent and deposit.
The one thing that I had begged and pleaded to not have to do in this whole ordeal was to not have to live or even stay briefly with anyone else. I had been there and done that ten years ago. (That is completely another story for another day, but it lasted for three months.) And now, here I was ten years later, and had to do it twice. I was getting to the point again where I was upset easily. Although, that could have been in part from all the hormones from just having given birth. We found a four bedroom house that was the right price, but the real estate agent decided not to return our calls even after he agreed to show us the house. We found a four bedroom double wide, but they wanted ten percent down to finance. We found a three bedroom house in a great location and price, but someone who had seen the house the day before decided to rent. Where was the place that God had for us? Did he have a place for us?
The evening that the lady called to tell me that the house had been rented by the guy from the day before, was the end for me. I reverted back to that same feeling of sadness and dread. I so did not want to go back there. I had already been through so many months of despair and I didn’t know why God was taking me back down that road again. And so soon after I thought I had come through it.
I had a list of the last five possible houses that I still had to call. If one of these didn’t work out, I didn’t know if we’d ever find a place to live. I had already told David I wasn’t sure if I even had the emotionally stability to talk to anyone on the phone. But, he was working so much he just didn’t have time. So, I had to put on my big girl pants, suck it up, and get it done. The first house I called was four bedrooms, 2300 square feet and had a garage. She said she didn’t have a problem with such a large family and was even planning to show it to someone the next day, but said she’d show it to us first. I couldn’t imagine it not working out. This was perfect!
The next morning I met her at the house. David had to work, but we agreed that if she would take our offer, we could go ahead and give her half the deposit then and the rest the following week. I have to admit that when I walked into the house, I was a bit taken back. The entire time she showed me through that house, I was praying “Oh, Lord, please do not make us have to live here.” I had to lower my standards. A lot.
She said, “So, what do you think?”
I wanted to say no, but maybe it was the Lord, or maybe it was my fear of not finding anything else that forced me to say, “We’ll take it.”
Right before Travis was born on August 5th, things sort of fell apart and we wouldn’t be able to stay in the apartment as long as we had thought. We would actually need to be out by the August 20th-about two weeks later. We had no idea what we were going to do. David had just gotten an interview set up for the next week for a full time job, but still at that point, was no guarantee of a job. David’s part time job still wasn’t enough for us to come up with a deposit and rent for a house, not to mention we still couldn’t find anywhere to rent, yet. We drove ALL over Tulsa and the surrounding areas and couldn’t find anything that was big enough, in our price range, and okay for 11 people to live there.
So, I came home from giving birth, kept Travis on bili lights for the next two days, then took the next week and a half to pack up our temporary belongings to move them to a second storage unit, since most of our other things were still in a storage unit in the town that we were originally going to live in 45 minutes away.
I promise this really is the uncomplicated version.
At church the Wednesday evening before the Friday that we had to be out of the apartment, a friend asked me how we were. I told her I was feeling a little overwhelmed. We needed to be out of the apartment in a day and a half and we still didn’t know what we were going to do. She looked at her husband, then looked at me. Then, looked at her husband, then looked at me. “You are going to come stay with us while you figure out what to do.”
This was an older couple with grown kids and grandchildren. I’m not so sure she really knew what she was asking. LOL But, they had a travel trailer and an extra bedroom they were willing to share with us. The following week David was offered the full time position he interviewed for, but we still had to wait to save up the money for rent and deposit.
The one thing that I had begged and pleaded to not have to do in this whole ordeal was to not have to live or even stay briefly with anyone else. I had been there and done that ten years ago. (That is completely another story for another day, but it lasted for three months.) And now, here I was ten years later, and had to do it twice. I was getting to the point again where I was upset easily. Although, that could have been in part from all the hormones from just having given birth. We found a four bedroom house that was the right price, but the real estate agent decided not to return our calls even after he agreed to show us the house. We found a four bedroom double wide, but they wanted ten percent down to finance. We found a three bedroom house in a great location and price, but someone who had seen the house the day before decided to rent. Where was the place that God had for us? Did he have a place for us?
The evening that the lady called to tell me that the house had been rented by the guy from the day before, was the end for me. I reverted back to that same feeling of sadness and dread. I so did not want to go back there. I had already been through so many months of despair and I didn’t know why God was taking me back down that road again. And so soon after I thought I had come through it.
I had a list of the last five possible houses that I still had to call. If one of these didn’t work out, I didn’t know if we’d ever find a place to live. I had already told David I wasn’t sure if I even had the emotionally stability to talk to anyone on the phone. But, he was working so much he just didn’t have time. So, I had to put on my big girl pants, suck it up, and get it done. The first house I called was four bedrooms, 2300 square feet and had a garage. She said she didn’t have a problem with such a large family and was even planning to show it to someone the next day, but said she’d show it to us first. I couldn’t imagine it not working out. This was perfect!
The next morning I met her at the house. David had to work, but we agreed that if she would take our offer, we could go ahead and give her half the deposit then and the rest the following week. I have to admit that when I walked into the house, I was a bit taken back. The entire time she showed me through that house, I was praying “Oh, Lord, please do not make us have to live here.” I had to lower my standards. A lot.
She said, “So, what do you think?”
I wanted to say no, but maybe it was the Lord, or maybe it was my fear of not finding anything else that forced me to say, “We’ll take it.”
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
A New Start Part 2
April and May 2010
Two more kids had birthdays in April. Brooke turned 7 and had a party with her cousin whose birthday is the day before hers. Tyler turned 13. David continued to look for a part time job, but couldn’t get set hours. There were a couple of possibilities for him to move into a department head position or something similar, but it just didn’t work out. But, he did get Associate of the Month. (And to brag on my husband a little, he got it again in October. Twice in six months!)
We still continued to make the best of our living situation. David’s sister and her husband received a settlement they were waiting on, and were able to move out to a rental house in May. They were stuck in their old lease until October, so we stayed behind in the apartment and worked out an arrangement for the rent. That would give us until October for David to find a better paying full time job, or work out his hours so he could find a second job.
Summer of 2010
My depression was finally starting to fade. I could talk about things without bursting into tears. We found sort of a normal for us, even though we knew staying in the apartment was only temporary. In June I had all four nieces and nephews during the day since David’s sister and brother in law were both working. I think it was good since they all had gone so long without ever really seeing their cousins.
The kids played in the splash pads that are all over Tulsa. The oldest five kids got to go to Bible camp. We had a Little-House-on-the-Prairie-athon. We took walks over the Arkansas River. We also visited the Aquarium and the Zoo. We found a really cool playground on Route 66 that was in the form of an old western town.
In July, we went to a BBQ and fireworks. We volunteered for VBS. Brittany went on her first missions trip to Oklahoma City. They helped out at a day center for the homeless, and got to see Tim Hawkins.
We went to a cement plant where the kids found a fossil. They also had lots of fun activities like mining for chocolate chips and a tour of the plant.
And, of course, the biggest event of the summer was the arrival of this little guy.
Two more kids had birthdays in April. Brooke turned 7 and had a party with her cousin whose birthday is the day before hers. Tyler turned 13. David continued to look for a part time job, but couldn’t get set hours. There were a couple of possibilities for him to move into a department head position or something similar, but it just didn’t work out. But, he did get Associate of the Month. (And to brag on my husband a little, he got it again in October. Twice in six months!)
We still continued to make the best of our living situation. David’s sister and her husband received a settlement they were waiting on, and were able to move out to a rental house in May. They were stuck in their old lease until October, so we stayed behind in the apartment and worked out an arrangement for the rent. That would give us until October for David to find a better paying full time job, or work out his hours so he could find a second job.
Summer of 2010
My depression was finally starting to fade. I could talk about things without bursting into tears. We found sort of a normal for us, even though we knew staying in the apartment was only temporary. In June I had all four nieces and nephews during the day since David’s sister and brother in law were both working. I think it was good since they all had gone so long without ever really seeing their cousins.
The kids played in the splash pads that are all over Tulsa. The oldest five kids got to go to Bible camp. We had a Little-House-on-the-Prairie-athon. We took walks over the Arkansas River. We also visited the Aquarium and the Zoo. We found a really cool playground on Route 66 that was in the form of an old western town.
In July, we went to a BBQ and fireworks. We volunteered for VBS. Brittany went on her first missions trip to Oklahoma City. They helped out at a day center for the homeless, and got to see Tim Hawkins.
We went to a cement plant where the kids found a fossil. They also had lots of fun activities like mining for chocolate chips and a tour of the plant.
And, of course, the biggest event of the summer was the arrival of this little guy.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
A New Start Part 1
It has been forever since I’ve been able to blog and I really have missed it every second. But now that our lives are more stable I can finally pick back up where I left off. What’s that? You want to have a moment by moment commentary from the last nine months since I blogged? Well, I will spare you from the long and mostly complicated details, but I will give you a summary of our lives since last February when we departed South Carolina bound for Oklahoma.
February and March 2010
We said our last goodbyes to our friends, finished packing up our truck and set out. We had to leave some stuff behind. I guess it’s hard to squeeze 12 years of your life into a 24 foot Uhaul. We stopped in to see my family in Alabama and spend the night there. On our 15th Wedding anniversary we started the 12 hour drive to Oklahoma. To make a long story short, we were going to live in a relative’s house, but their house was under renovation. When we arrived we realized it was simply not safe for the kids and that arrangement wouldn’t work out. This house was in a town about 45 minutes from Tulsa and the town didn’t have a store that David could transfer his job to, so now here we were with no job, no house and no money.
David’s sister offered for us to stay with them in their apartment in Tulsa for the weekend until we could figure out what to do. That Monday some of the kids started getting sick with some crazy high fever, coughing thing. The following Friday, Bailey got it and by Sunday she was in the hospital with RSV/Pneumonia. Welcome to Oklahoma.
You would think that I would be bitter about how things were disintegrating for us. And, oh let me tell you, I was. Things had really been going downhill steadily since David came back from guarding the detainees in Cuba back at the end of 2003. He was gone for a year with the National Guard, but he was really gone for the next two years as well from PTSD. I kept joking that I was still waiting on my husband to come back from Cuba. He finally started getting back to normal in 2005. In 2006, he got hired on with an investment firm. And we all know how that ended. We had been struggling financially through two years of trying to make that job work and one more year of unemployment. So, to say we were burdened emotionally and finacially and leaving South Carolina with a heavy heart was an understatement. I knew God was still there, but did he forget about us? Was he making an example out of us? Was all of this somehow our fault because we don’t know how to manage our money (Dave Ramsey I’m talking to you!) Why would God give us all these kids and then pull the blanket out from under us? Well…………
We realized that this starting over thing was much harder than just starting out to begin with. But, some things worked out in our favor. David’s supervisor from the old store had decided to keep David in the system, so when we realized that our stay in Tulsa was going to be more permanent, he went to a store about a block from where we were staying with David’s sister, and transferred there. The store manager really liked him and gave him 40 hours every week even though he only transferred into a part time position. But unfortunately 40 hours a week making a little more than minimum wage does not cut it. David looked for a part time job, but he didn’t have set hours, so that proved to be difficult. David’s sister and brother in law were both jobless at that point as well so we decided to pool our resources and try to make it work. But, yeah, 16 people in one household. Well. Enough said.
Two of our girls celebrated their birthdays that month. Bailey turned one and Bethany turned eight.
We started attending a Free Will Baptist church in the area. I really didn’t want to. Mainly because I felt let down by God. And because I couldn’t talk about our situation without crying. I really didn’t have much to say that was positive. I know I had been in a depression that started the summer of 2009. I remember talking with David and saying, “I just want to be happy again.” I know we have joy in the Lord. But, the circumstances just wore me down. I just wanted my mood to naturally default to “happy” like it used to, not “sadness” like it had been. Life by that point was just so hard.
February and March 2010
We said our last goodbyes to our friends, finished packing up our truck and set out. We had to leave some stuff behind. I guess it’s hard to squeeze 12 years of your life into a 24 foot Uhaul. We stopped in to see my family in Alabama and spend the night there. On our 15th Wedding anniversary we started the 12 hour drive to Oklahoma. To make a long story short, we were going to live in a relative’s house, but their house was under renovation. When we arrived we realized it was simply not safe for the kids and that arrangement wouldn’t work out. This house was in a town about 45 minutes from Tulsa and the town didn’t have a store that David could transfer his job to, so now here we were with no job, no house and no money.
David’s sister offered for us to stay with them in their apartment in Tulsa for the weekend until we could figure out what to do. That Monday some of the kids started getting sick with some crazy high fever, coughing thing. The following Friday, Bailey got it and by Sunday she was in the hospital with RSV/Pneumonia. Welcome to Oklahoma.
You would think that I would be bitter about how things were disintegrating for us. And, oh let me tell you, I was. Things had really been going downhill steadily since David came back from guarding the detainees in Cuba back at the end of 2003. He was gone for a year with the National Guard, but he was really gone for the next two years as well from PTSD. I kept joking that I was still waiting on my husband to come back from Cuba. He finally started getting back to normal in 2005. In 2006, he got hired on with an investment firm. And we all know how that ended. We had been struggling financially through two years of trying to make that job work and one more year of unemployment. So, to say we were burdened emotionally and finacially and leaving South Carolina with a heavy heart was an understatement. I knew God was still there, but did he forget about us? Was he making an example out of us? Was all of this somehow our fault because we don’t know how to manage our money (Dave Ramsey I’m talking to you!) Why would God give us all these kids and then pull the blanket out from under us? Well…………
We realized that this starting over thing was much harder than just starting out to begin with. But, some things worked out in our favor. David’s supervisor from the old store had decided to keep David in the system, so when we realized that our stay in Tulsa was going to be more permanent, he went to a store about a block from where we were staying with David’s sister, and transferred there. The store manager really liked him and gave him 40 hours every week even though he only transferred into a part time position. But unfortunately 40 hours a week making a little more than minimum wage does not cut it. David looked for a part time job, but he didn’t have set hours, so that proved to be difficult. David’s sister and brother in law were both jobless at that point as well so we decided to pool our resources and try to make it work. But, yeah, 16 people in one household. Well. Enough said.
Two of our girls celebrated their birthdays that month. Bailey turned one and Bethany turned eight.
We started attending a Free Will Baptist church in the area. I really didn’t want to. Mainly because I felt let down by God. And because I couldn’t talk about our situation without crying. I really didn’t have much to say that was positive. I know I had been in a depression that started the summer of 2009. I remember talking with David and saying, “I just want to be happy again.” I know we have joy in the Lord. But, the circumstances just wore me down. I just wanted my mood to naturally default to “happy” like it used to, not “sadness” like it had been. Life by that point was just so hard.
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