It's about that time again.
This time we'll join the ranks of doughnuts, eggs and sodas-one dozen!
Baby number 12 is due around March 2016!
I decided to keep it on the down-low this time around. I really haven't enjoyed telling people that we're expecting since around baby number 5. Oh, I do love having my babies and it is an exciting time for me.
But. all. the. negativity.
On Wednesday night a lady from church asked me how many kids I had and I said 11. I thought, "you know, I'll just go ahead and let her know", so I said "And, we're expecting number 12!".
She looked right at me, scowled and said, "You are OUT of your mind!"
Dang, lady, you couldn't have even faked it and said "congratulations" or SOMETHING nice?"
I decided I wasn't going to let it bother me, because it isn't the first time or the 100th that someone has said something stupid and insensitive in what otherwise is a happy time for my family.
But, it did bother me. And I kept thinking and thinking about it.
I guess I feel like I owe it to people to announce that we're expecting, because that's what people do, right? And, then I brace myself for the all. the. negativity. And, then I just swallow and ignore it because I don't want them to steal the joy of my new little one.
And, then I started thinking this week. Why do I think I owe it to anyone to announce it? Announcing it isn't even where I find the joy anyway. I told a few close family members and a few close friends, but I just decided I'm not throwing it out there to get a reaction, negative or not, from anyone. I just don't need it.
Now, don't get me wrong, not everyone is negative and my good friends and family who know us, rejoice with us, But some friends and family don't rejoice. Some CHRISTIAN people don't rejoice. Have they not read in their Bible ALL the verses that talk about children being gifts, blessings and rewards??? Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are the children of one's youth-BLESSED is the man whose quiver is FULL of them?
Since I turned forty in June, I keep thinking "Why can't we just be who we are? Why do we have to always need to please someone else? Now, I'm not saying we shouldn't aim to be Christlike if we are Christians, or giving reasons to sin, I'm talking why can't we go gray, be chunky, enjoy what we enjoy and not need to feel guilty because we aren't like someone else? Why do I need to suck in this belly because it isn't "acceptable" to look pregnant at 10 weeks? Why would I need to compare myself to someone pregnant with their second while I've had SIX times more pregnancies than them? (Ok, maybe that's just a personal issue. Or the result of a personal love of all things chocolate, but whatever.)
I know not everyone understands or agrees with our decision to have many children. But, that's just it. It's OUR decision to trust God and to have many children. Some may not agree with it, some may not like it, but in the south we used to say,
IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, THEN DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.
So, there you have the deep insight into my thoughtful week.
Maybe it's just the nausea talking.
13 comments:
Congratulations Courtney!!! Every child is a blessing from the Lord & you are indeed blessed! Enjoy this pregnancy & this new little one. No matter what we do, we can't please everyone ( this coming from me - a perpetual people pleaser)! May God bless you!
Renata :)
Thanks, Renata!!
So happy for you, Friend! There's a leap year next year on Feb. 29, 2016. Would be kinda cool to share my birthday with a Sanchez! Love to all of you!
Genny
What great news!! I hope your nausea doesn't last too long and I hope you have an easy nine months. Congrats to a family I still miss bunches!!
I'm so excited about your new blessing! Congratulations to you and your whole family!! Sorry that lady was so rude. :( A lot of times people are like that because it forces them to deal with their own unhappy choices. Praying you aren't sick long and the biggers help tremendously. Love you girl.
Thanks y'all! I appreciate each of you very much! Love and miss all of you, too!
Could happen- you never know 😀!
Aww, Courtney!! Congratulations on baby 12!! May God bless you dearly. I started experiencing the negative comments when I was pregnant with our 4th child. It is just horrible the things people say, especially when it comes from Christians. Continue to be confident in what God has called you to. He says you are blessed! Take care!
Oh, 2 of my children and I have birthdays in March--it's a great month!
Congrats! Yeah, once you get past that "hump" of announcing, you'll be fine. I was just processing these thoughts again the other day when a friend and I were talking about weddings. I put out there ideas of what I might do should God bless me with another marriage, and next thing I know I'm AGAIN defending myself against NEEDING to pursue that. Against the thought that it's "unacceptable" to stay alone, and I was even considering some sort of fabrication. Then I thought, why do I care so much what she thinks? I'm living to glorify God, not to be acceptable in some people's worlds. So, be encouraged.
Thanks, y'all!
Stacie, we have two birthdays in March, too! Spring/late winter is a busy birthday season for us.
Godly young widow, I don't know why we care so much about what others think. Although, the older I've gotten the more I've start to realize-even though I've been living to please God a long time-that I don't also have to please anyone else. There is no way to please everyone. I see that everyday in my own home at dinner time lol!
SO MANY congratulations, Courtney!
I totally understand this entire post- I deal with the very same things...and I am only on baby #5! In fact, my in-laws didn't even talk about the whole new baby thing for the first few months. I wouldn't be surprised if they secretly hoped I would miscarry. I do not exaggerate.
Here's another thing- we were at (same parents') party a few weekends ago and my daughter was joyfully sharing the news with the table that her best friends' mother announced that she was expecting baby #8. Corynn was truly joyful and happy- and the response was an audible gasp and a few chokes on food. Matt and I looked at each other and smirked because we knew what everyone was thinking. Then, a bit later I was chatting with a 60-something lady whose son dies of MD a few years ago. He was 21 years old. He lived longer than the doctors thought he would and was at college. And do you know what she told me? She said if she had had an ultrasound and found out that he has muscular dystrophy before he was born, she would have NEVER had him. She said these words with vigor and resolution and immediately, I felt my hand clench under the table and a great wave of fury made me very nearly punch her in the face. (This is not my standard protocol, btw. I haven't had the urge to punch someone probably....ever.) When she saw the horrible expression of shock and pain on my face she went on: "Well...what kind of a mother would I have been to allow him to live a life like that? What kind of life is that?!?" And I said- "Well, I don't know... I'm guessing a better one that being ripped apart limb by limb straight from your womb...but that's just a guess."
I was livid. I still get livid thinking about it. With all the planned parenthood videos and the audacity of these horrible women who not only profit from such heinous acts but are in fact, CELEBRATING it....oh man. It has been on my mind a lot lately.
Matt and I came home that night and I told him- why do we think we need to spend time with those people? Why should we allow our children to be in the presence of these horrible people- and let them rub off their worldliness and negativity and wicked priorities on them? WE DON'T. It was kindof an epiphany for us as we usually feel compelled to go to these picnics and such because his parents want us to (to please them) and not really because WE want to (we obviously have NOTHING in common with those people.) But, like you announcing baby, we realized WHY SHOULD WE CARE?
As I read about that lady I thought- (I never would have been clever enough to come up with this on the spot, mind you....but I'll keep it for the future!) you should have stopped and asked her "How many children did you have?" And then, when she said one or two you could have said "Oh- I'm so sorry! You missed out on so much happiness!"
Courtney~ you are living the dream. You really are. I have always dreamed about having a dozen children and the Lord hasn't blessed me that way. Every time I see women like you- I can't help but envy you. Yes, envy. And I am thankful too- that this world still has a few women who know the truth and blessings of God in a world that often seems very misled and sad.
YAY for baby #12!!!
And thanks for sharing that on my blog so I could then come over here and write a book and go on a tangent. ;-)
You are so sweet Rebecca! You are welcome to leave a book anytime ;). It certainly is heartbreaking when people don't value life. And especially frustrating as many Christians don't either. I always remember a friend of a friend who had two small children tell me she was going to nursing school. She was done with raising them. She was so ready for them to be school age so she could "get on with her life". So sad.
Congratulations!!! Every life is a celebration whether it is your first child or fifteenth. I would say to ignore the naysayers. Unless you are someone who constantly bemoans how much kids cost or how broke you are, people should keep their comments to themselves. Sadly often Christians can be the most unkind in their words.
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